Couchside Report: Grizzlies and Raptors

It’s Spanish night in Toronto! No word on whether the Garbajoa bobblehead is in street clothes.

But seriously, folks, the Jorge Garbajosa situation is one that had to eventually come up in the NBA. It’s just unfortunate that it had to happen to Toronto – but really, what other NBA team is virtually half non-American?

The Raptors are 7-7 on the season, while the Grizzle are floundering at 5-9 coming into tonight’s contest.

In Raptorland, Jose Calderon is getting a ton of minutes while TJ Ford sits out for a 4th straight game with a stinger.

Gotta love the Raps starting lineup: a 27-year old rookie journeyman (Moon), a 7-footer from Slovenia (Nesterovic), two guys who played overseas for the better part of their careers (Parker and Calderon), and an All-American franchise player named Chris Bosh.

Since The Basketball Jones brought it up: I like the idea of an Office-esque feud between TJ Ford and Jose Calderon. I think that would mean Calderon is like Karen (currently getting the play), and TJ Ford would play the role of Pam (not looking so hot with, um, a new girl in town).

Oh my – the Swirk is calling Jamario Moon blocks like so: “You’ve just been mooned!”

Further to the Jamario Moon discussion: Swirsky is running the official “Give Jamario Moon a Nickname” contest. He called Moon the “Bama Slammer” on his blog recently.

TJ Ford, on what a stinger is: “Um, it’s a sensation that kinda tingles.” Thank you, Dr. Ford! Also, I think he’s wearing shoulder pads under his jacket. He looks like a box with a head sticking out the top.

By the way, we’re well off and running here in Toronto. It’s tied at 16 with five minutes to go. Damon “Now Just a Mouse, No Longer Mighty” Stoudemire is enjoying a nice stroke this evening.

Stromile Swift is still in the NBA? How long can a player get paid for being “long”? As I type that, putback Swift, then running jumper. 1 minute, 4 points. Way to shut me up, Stro Show. Just as I finish typing that sentence, he goes and throws it into the 5th row. Apparently, Mr. Swift is doing the opposite of whatever I type.

Start of the 2nd quarter, tied at 29, and we have a Darrick Martin sighting.

Chris Bosh sits early in the 2nd, heading to the locker room. Never a good sign, but let’s not panic yet.

Wow, a Joey Graham sighting. That’s less expected than Darrick Martin.

Delfino looks good early. He’ll get minutes tonight. That probably means someone like Anthony Parker won’t unless he emerges in the game. That’s what this Raptors team is all about: whoever plays well plays most.

Raps go on a bit of a run, leading by ten with just under 5 minutes to go in the half.

Jason Kapono looks like he could “pass” on Spanish night. Kaponajosa?

Juan Carlos Navarro shoots like I did when I was in middle-school: two-handed push shot with a release from below his neck.

Raps on a, well, crazy run. They end the half leading 57-39, with three guys in double-figures already (Bosh, Delfino, and Parker) and Calderon has 8 assists.

I’m not sure Delfino was speaking English during that interview with Leo Rautins.

Chris Bosh will not return. No injury to report.

Rasho comes out and “dream shakes” two defenders. Nice.

Damon Stoudemire used to be really fun to watch. Now? He just seems to shoot a lot. I think he was the first NBA jersey I owned as a kid. Ironically, I got it as a gift the week after he got traded.

I hate, hate, hate it when Andrea Bargnani fakes a three and only takes one dribble toward the basket for a layup attempt. He almost never makes it to the rim without bowling someone over or losing complete control. Sometimes it’s fun to see him try, but it’s not a great idea on only one dribble.

Jamario Moon makes his presence felt with a two-handed chin-up dunk.

Outside Steve Nash, is there a point guard in the NBA with a more consistent jumper than Jose Calderon? Since last year, he has missed only a handful of jumpers when he sets his feet.

Toronto are up 75-51 with just under five to go in the 3rd Q.

“Rudy Gay is not having a Rudy Gay night.” Swirsk, resisting the gay joke.

Poor Kyle Lowry just got mugged with no whistle. He’s a nice 2nd round pick for Memphis from a couple years back. He comes back with a nice steal and dunk a few minutes later.

I wish the NBA were a stock market. I’d make a living (or lose a living) doing that.

Is Mike Miller wearing finger warmers?

Jason Kapono just hit a three, and becomes the 7th Raptor in double figures. Yikes. Talk about balance. Oh, and Calderon with 10 assists as he leaves the 3rd quarter. And zero turnovers. Chuck Swirsky is about to pop in his pantaloons over those stats.

Toronto are up 82-60 heading into the 4th quarter.

I hate this quote from Leo: “The Washington Wizards might be better defensively without Gilbert Arenas.” Obviously, the Wizards are not better off without Gil. Sure, maybe they’re better defensively without him, but they are far worse offensively without him. To me, this is a dumb thing to say. It’s like saying, “You know, you can lose a lot of weight by not eating food,” while you starve yourself to death. Um, or something like that.

You really need to see Jason Kapono’s ad where he stares eerily into the camera reading the prompter talking about Raptors gift cards. It feels like some kind of local car dealership commercial from the 80s.

Knee-on-knee is never a good thing. Goodbye Andrea Bargnani. I hope that’s just a bruise.

Boy, Toronto are up 88-66, with almost 10 minutes to play. Meaning? Darrick Martin is going to shoot. Lots.

Salami and cheese are out of the fridge. On a completely unrelated note, Kris Humphries enters the game.

How is Juan Dixon the only Raptor who dressed that didn’t play?

What difference does it make to call it “Spanish Night” since we’re in garbage time here. I was at “Italian Day” at the ACC, but I didn’t know it until I arrived. I’d have a hard time believing that a whole bunch of Italians went out and bought tickets for my game. Same for Spanish people. I bought my tickets in October. Do people show up and get tickets on game day?

We’re just playing this one out here, folks. I see Brian Cardinal and Terence Kinsey on the floor with Kyle Lowry, Lawrence Roberts, and Stromile Swift.

And we’re out! Final score 103-91, Raptors win. Thanks for playing, folks.


5 thoughts on “Couchside Report: Grizzlies and Raptors

  1. Hey Chris, I like the Office comparison of Pam (T.J.) & Karen (Jose), with the inference being that Jim (Bryan Colangelo) will choose the “right” girl, er, player.

    But if/when Karen leaves, will she try to steal away Stanley (Garbo)?

    This is fun. Who’s Michael, Dwight and Ryan?

  2. Nice Jeff! Hmmm, I think Jim would be Smitch, which would make Colangelo Michael.

    Dwight? That’s a tough one. Dwight is such an original…

    Ryan? Probably Bargnani, only because they’re both young guys who can grow beards.

  3. Not sure if this counts as a nickname, but for the Hoops Addict/Fan Boy T-shirt contest someone came up with a great shirt called “Moon Landing” that had him in an astronaut suit. It was hilarious!

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